I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
