dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
