Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize