College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
