By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
