I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize