did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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