you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
