I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
