Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
