Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
