am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
