I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
