Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
