He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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