omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
