guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's blow job season.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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