remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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