I don't think brook has ever known best
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
