All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
