Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
