Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
