She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
