Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
