there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
