haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
