I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
