Me too!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
