new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
