the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
