would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
