just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
