Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
