there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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