So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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