i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
