these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
