tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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