I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
