How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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