You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
