sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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