how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
