I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
