She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
