There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
