Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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