2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
