I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
