Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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