The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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