The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
