now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
