I wish my penis had an off switch
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
