And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
