i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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