he wants to bone in the snuggie
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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