Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
