The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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