Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
