New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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