Buhtt sex?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
