Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
