Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You pole danced in your parka.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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