I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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