I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize